TornBlue: February 2005

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Monday, February 28, 2005

Monday's Picture of the Day: King of Chips

"As your KING I demand CHIPS!" "... Uh, and some pizza"

Saturday, February 26, 2005

New RSS and ATOM Feeds for TornBlue

If anyone uses RSS or ATOM readers, the urls for TornBlue's feeds are here.

RSS: http://feeds.feedburner.com/tornblue
ATOM: http://www.tornblue.com/atom.xml

Saturday's Picture of the Day

Friday, February 25, 2005

Friday's Picture of the Day

Nicely done Tom. I believe this was the night Tom walked home on the side of the freeway.

Dance, White Boy, Dance

glumbert.com | media | Dance, White Boy, Dance

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Swearotron

I don't know half of what he's swearing, but it's funny.
Swearotron

Thieves Steal Built-In Swimming Pool

News - Thieves Steal Built-In Swimming Pool

Santa Claus and the Aliens

Written by a 6th grade student in San Jose, CA

One day Santa Claus was working in his workshop when little did he know, aliens were planning to take over the world!
In outer space on a distant planet aliens were planning to take over earth and make it into a mall because they had nowhere to shop. The aliens looked like teddy bears, but they were green and slimy. First, they dropped bombs all over the world killing people in Iraq, Africa and Canada.
Next the alien boss sent all of his alien armies to the North Pole.
When they got there, they melted all the snowmen that lived there. Then, they went to Santa's house. The aliens snuck up to the door and cracked it open. Santa and his wife were sleeping in their beds with his elves too. The aliens burst through the door shooting everything they saw. They killed Santa's wife and elves.
Santa screamed, "Oh no! They killed my elves! Oh yeah, my wife is dead too, but who really cares?"
Next Santa took out two machine guns and a cigar and started shooting them. He called Rudolph to use his laser beam thingy. Rudolph got killed in the battle because he got distracted when the aliens started making fun of his nose.
The aliens tried to run away from Santa because he was too much for them. Most of the aliens got away, but some of them stayed. Of course, Santa killed the aliens that stayed.
After that, Santa got the rest of his reindeer and went into space. He found the alien space ship and climbed in. He found the rest of the aliens throwing up.
Santa overheard them saying, "That fat guys wife tastes like poopoo!!"
Santa took out his machine guns again and started shooting them. All of them died, but their leader went up behind Santa.
The leader screamed, "BOO!!"
Santa got so scared that he wet his pants and screamed like a little girl. Next, the leader took out a sword and cut off one of Santa's legs.
"Ow!" Santa screamed as he wet his pants some more. "That hurt! Can I borrow some pants?"
The leader did not respond. Instead he spit all over the ship and made more little aliens than before. Santa shot all of them again, but he ran out of bullets. So he dropped his machine guns and took out a chainsaw from his pocket. He started slicing the aliens, but the boss made more. Next, the boss ate Santa. Inside the alien's stomach was a city just like Las Vegas. Santa went inside one of the casinos and played for one week without eating, sleeping or peeing in his pants. Santa finally won enough money to buy a nice, new pair of pants.
Santa climbed out of the alien's stomach and into his mouth. He took out his chainsaw again and drilled it through his leader's tongue. Then he cut everything in the mouth.
When Santa got out of the leader's mouth, all of the aliens had big, giant, enormous rocket launchers. Santa sliced all of them with his chainsaw, but one alien had a huge knife and threw it at Santa's head.
Santa dropped heavily to the floor and whispered, "I'm fat. I'm the fattest guy of all the fat guys in the fat world."
Then he died. After that, the aliens had a fiesta and used Santa as a pinata. Then they made earth into a mall and lived happily after ever.
The End

In the original Santa actually comes back to life and kills more aliens with the help of Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee and then dies again by gunfire.. I decided to take that part out. I mean, I dont want it to get TOO ridiculous now.
-written by a 6th grade student.

Thursday's Picture of the Day

"Would you like some everclear?" No thanks.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Wednesday's Picture of the Day

"Would you like to smoke my pipe? missy"

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Madness

Written by a 6th grade student in San Jose, CA

Once there was a guy named Ling-Ling. He lived in a small cabin in China. One day Ling-Ling went to a river to get some water. When he was there, he saw a sparkling thing in the water. He dove in and grabbed the sparkling thing. The sparkling thing in the water was a golden bling-bling. When he found it, he was so happy.
When Ling-Ling was walking home, he met a guy named Ching-Ching. Ling-Ling showed Ching-Ching his bling-bling. Ching-Ching gasped in surprise. When Ling-Ling showed Ching-Ching his bling-bling, Ching-Ching got jealous of Ling-Ling because he had the bling-bling.
One night Ching-Ching snuck into Ling-Ling's cabin. He searched everywhere and finally found Ling-Ling's bling-bling under the bed in a box. Ching-Ching took the box and ran home. In the morning, when Ling-Ling looked under the bed, the bling-bling was gone.
Ling-Ling was so mad he screamed out, "Where is fxxx is my bling-bling? When I find the person who jacked my bling-bling I will kick the guy's fxxxxxx ass!"
Ling-Ling looked everywhere for his bling-bling but he could not find it. He decided to take a break and go into town for some food. Out of nowhere Ching-Ching came up carrying bling-bling!
Ling-Ling ran home and knew that Ching-Ching had stolen his bling-bling because Ching-Ching had never had bling-bling before. There was only one thing to do. Call his gang. He called Ching-Ching and said, "Meet me at the abandoned warehouse with my bling-bling and you gang."
When everybody was at the abandoned warehouse, the fight began. Ling-Ling and his gang had Uzis. Ching-Ching and his gang had M-16's. Ling-Ling and Ming-Ling were against Ching-Ching and Hing-Ching. Everyone was badly injujed and there was one C-4 left. Ling-Ling used the C-4 and blew everyone up. They all died. After the fight, a hobo wandered into the warehouse and took the bling-bling. Then the hobo lived happily ever after.
-written by a 6th grade student

Tuesday's Picture of the Day

Get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Haagen-Dasz ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars and we can make s'mores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Cap'n Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Monday's Picture of the Day.

Ah, the Bedtime Champ. I guess he wasn't in ShayP for Vegas.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Sunday's Picture of the Day

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